How Leaders Think with Kenny Lange

Patricia Glass [00:00:00]:
But even just putting in that work on. Let me write you a hand little thank you note. Let me give you a call. Let me give you a text message when I see you, compliment you, whatever it may be, it's work.

Kenny Lange [00:00:18]:
Welcome to the how leaders think podcast, the show that transforms you by renewing your mind and giving you new ways to think. Am your host, Kenny Lang, and with me today is Patricia Glass. She is a dedicated advocate and leader in the East Texas nonprofit sector, which that's not code for CIA. As a creator and co facilitator of the ETCN affiliation program, she empowers emerging organizations with the tools they need to make meaningful community impacts. She's passionate about fostering growth and collaboration. Patricia seamlessly blends traditional nonprofit values with innovative strategies to drive change. Welcome to the show, Patricia.

Patricia Glass [00:01:02]:
Hi, how are you?

Kenny Lange [00:01:05]:
I am awake. I am alive. I am letting the caffeine hit the bloodstream. I just need more. I could invest in an iv, I suppose, but I don't know how I do with needles, so I just stick to cracking the old can. That sounds like I have a problem. Anyways, moving on, moving on. As we start every show, what is on your mind?

Patricia Glass [00:01:36]:
Well, what has been on my mind recently, I think we're kind of reading a similar book, and it's really been about relationships and kindness and how that really affects leadership. The book really resonated with me, with things that I have done and already do, and I just didn't realize that that's kind of what leader or what the book says a leader is. And it was just really intriguing to me. Yeah. Okay.

Kenny Lange [00:02:16]:
You can name the book. We won't get sued.

Patricia Glass [00:02:19]:
Yeah. The gift of influence.

Kenny Lange [00:02:22]:
The gift of influence, which we'll link up in the show notes.

Patricia Glass [00:02:26]:
Yeah. And I know you're reading it as well, and it was just interesting just how much that of what I feel I do almost on a daily basis is what's considered a leader. And I don't never attributed that quality to leaders. It was interesting.

Kenny Lange [00:02:51]:
Yeah. And just for some context for the listeners. So Patricia and I are in a program called Leadership Tyler, class 37.

Patricia Glass [00:03:00]:
The best class absolutely.

Kenny Lange [00:03:03]:
Ever. And that's even being validated by former classes. So we're getting the data. It's coming in. We're going to have charts and graphs by the end of the term, but yes, very interesting book. So it's curious to me, you're saying that some of the things that you see in the book that are being called out as like, hey, these are the important things you need to have if you're going to be a leader. It sounds like you're saying those are some qualities that you've tried to cultivate in yourself because you thought, that's just who I want to be, and that's the way someone should show up in the world.

Patricia Glass [00:03:43]:
Yeah. It just seemed like this theme of kindness and building relationships. I'm like, kind of like, I thought that was just being part of being a human. Right. Having that inner human interaction, being kind to our neighbors, wanting to help. I just kind of thought that's what we should all do. It was interesting how that played into a leadership role, on how important that was. On being a leader.

Kenny Lange [00:04:20]:
Yeah. Not that I'm here to play point counterpoint. I almost had an opposite experience growing up.

Patricia Glass [00:04:34]:
Yeah.

Kenny Lange [00:04:35]:
And some. I saw the networking, but it almost seemed because I came from a small town and not that Tyler is a sprawling metropolis, but it's not 20,000 people.

Patricia Glass [00:04:48]:
Right.

Kenny Lange [00:04:49]:
But I always saw the people in leadership using relationships to be somewhat slimy, and it seemed artificial and like, okay, yeah. So you're getting ahead by just buttering somebody up and flattering them. And I was like, I don't like that. I don't like how it looks. I don't like how it feels when it's done to me or with me. I was like, I'm just going to let the best idea win, so I'm going to just be really good at whatever the craft or the talent needs to be, and that's going to get me ahead. And I will say this, that it works up until a point, and I think that's the point at which.

Patricia Glass [00:05:35]:
Up until the point where you need a genuine connection with somebody.

Kenny Lange [00:05:38]:
Yeah. And I will say that over the last, really, in starting my coaching practice, I really feel that what you're talking about is something that is confronting me head on and is really pressing on an area that I think has lacked in my leadership, because anybody who knows me well knows that asking for help is not something I do often and trying to. I'll be friendly with people, but it's not a, hey, I know you, and we'll do this thing and we'll come together. No, I'm really good. I got this. And if you want to be a part, fall in, sort of, what is it? Lead, follow, or get out of the way mentality. Right. And I'm starting to hit roadblocks.

Kenny Lange [00:06:27]:
So it's really curious to me that you're somebody that you saw that early and latched onto it and saw its value, saw its importance, and have tried to embody it. Obviously, I think you have the relationships and the resume to back that up. How have you seen that, though, go awry? Because obviously there are people that do misuse that. They do it in an insincere way. I'm not going to call people sociopaths, but emotions can be. Well, I'm not licensed for that. I only have a bachelor's in psychology, so I can't do that is what I'm told. But emotions can be mimicked.

Kenny Lange [00:07:18]:
They can be feigned and faked for personal advancement. How have you seen that show up? And how have you been able to keep yourself from floating over into that area to do it for personal gain?

Patricia Glass [00:07:35]:
Yeah. So I had experience with that. Right. When I started a nonprofit, there were people who were surrounded by me that you could tell that this wasn't just for the mission, this wasn't for growing and helping people. And it might have been to an extent. Right. But when you start meeting people, when you start getting awards, when you start getting around a, I don't know, maybe the right word, a higher crowd or more knowledgeable crowd, more well known crowd, that people stopped remembering the mission and became more about, this is about me and what I've done and not about what we've done to help people. And it's hard to kind of correct that.

Patricia Glass [00:08:54]:
Once it happens, you can point it out. I tried changing things up a little bit, like, hey, let's come up with different job roles. Let's just change the way we think about it. And unfortunately, it was to the point where it's like, you know what? This is not a healthy environment. It's not focusing on the mission. It is not about growing and helping and making those genuine connections anymore. And those genuine connections that I was making, other people were using for leverage, and it wasn't genuine and it wasn't real, and it was time to walk away or find a new way to help.

Kenny Lange [00:09:59]:
Yeah. It sounds like to me that what you witnessed was at times, while there may have been some sincerity in the beginning, but people quickly traded the mission for attention.

Patricia Glass [00:10:17]:
Yes. That was.

Kenny Lange [00:10:19]:
Put that on a t shirt. One of the many t shirt ideas that we've. Yeah. A little known fact. At the end of the show, Patricia and I are announcing a new clothing line. No, I'm just kidding.

Patricia Glass [00:10:33]:
Some cool street wear, hats, hoodies.

Kenny Lange [00:10:36]:
It's going to be a whole think well. And that's unfortunate, especially for something that you poured so much time, attention, love, care, and nobody really starts a nonprofit because they're like, well, I got nothing else to do.

Patricia Glass [00:10:52]:
How can I spend all my time and money?

Kenny Lange [00:10:56]:
Yeah, right. So when you think about how you've developed that over the course of your life, this sincerity, this empathy, the ability to connect at a genuine level with people. And I will say again, audience for context. Patricia and I is a relatively new friendship relationship, but she just connected with everybody. I was sitting back, I was like, what the heck? She just made best friends with, like, 30 people in 30 minutes. I don't know how she did it, but she worked the room without anybody feeling like they just got worked over or it was underhanded or there was an agenda. Thank you. I really admire and appreciate that about you.

Kenny Lange [00:11:54]:
And so I'm curious. I believe everybody starts with a nugget, a kernel of talent in some areas in their life. And if they choose to, they can develop it into a skill, and then they can keep honing it until it's a craft, really. How have you developed that in such a way to keep it? I would say maybe innocent or pure in your motivations, because I do know people who can do that, but it sort of takes the turn. They're not even faking it. They genuinely can connect with people, but there's something behind it. How have you protected yourself in that way?

Patricia Glass [00:12:37]:
Well, first, before I was in nonprofit sector, I was in property management, and it is a wild experience. And I think that it started because I needed a way to have really good customer service. That sounds terrible. It was a way to protect myself by connecting with these people because their ac doesn't work. They're mad. They're late on their rent. I've charged them a late fee. They're mad.

Patricia Glass [00:13:17]:
Right? And my goal was always to have people leave my office with a smile on their face. I wouldn't let them leave. I would block the door, like, you are not leaving until I know that you are not.

Kenny Lange [00:13:30]:
Mild kidnapping?

Patricia Glass [00:13:31]:
Yes, mild kidnapping, because I didn't want people's impression of me to be my job, if that makes sense, because my job is corporate. I worked for the two largest property management companies in the world, and they have rules for everything, and I have to follow those rules. But it's like, okay, now you need to see me as a human and not as I am, this multimillion dollar apartment industry, because I'm not getting that money right at all. I can't even afford to live here. So you need to see me as a human, and we need to have a relationship beyond just being a rent collector or a lease enforcer. So it really started with that. And when I was in property management, I was really good at what I did, just not with just creating connections, but also at my job. And when I switched to nonprofit, I was decent at it.

Patricia Glass [00:14:46]:
Right. But when you start a whole new career, you don't know anything. And I had no problem messaging people that I did not know or only met once and say, please help me, I don't know what I'm doing. And when they know that you are genuine and you want to help and you want their knowledge, and they are so giving. And I think that's one of the ways is asking for help, not making people see me as a human and making them smile or laugh before they're done with their interaction with me.

Kenny Lange [00:15:32]:
Wow. There's a lot to unpack there. But it's interesting to me how, because I have this crossover, not exactly the same as yours, but trying to bring some of the things that make a great business. Right. A great for profit organization, that there are certain pressures there and constraints that will almost force you to learn certain skills that when translated over into the nonprofit space, or even in just your personal life, end up paying large dividends. As it sounds like that's what happened there probably was part of the reason why you're able to build and scale, and now you're pouring into this next generation of nonprofit entrepreneurs and go getters.

Patricia Glass [00:16:29]:
And I think that was something that was so important to me, too, is because this community that I worked in, the nonprofit space for a nonprofit, so I got some experience then. But when I was starting my own nonprofit, I relied on so many people to help me and have coffee with me and let me just learn from them. And I think that, honestly, it is my duty to give that back. And if I can make a bigger ripple effect from helping multiple nonprofits the way some people have helped me, then that's going to make a larger impact on our community here in East Texas.

Kenny Lange [00:17:20]:
Wow. For you, where does that sense of duty come from? Because that's not.

Patricia Glass [00:17:34]:
You're ready to unpack?

Kenny Lange [00:17:36]:
Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm here for it. Okay. I'm here for it. This could become a trauma. This is a trauma informed podcast. All right, we could TBRI or something here. Yes, but where does that come from? Because that's not everybody's go to.

Kenny Lange [00:17:59]:
That's not everybody's thinking. And maybe you can start with when the other people you have seen that have been successful even in the nonprofit space, but not everybody in the nonprofit space is pure of heart. Right? But where do you see that divide? Like, what has been your experience for you and others that choose to give back versus those that don't? And maybe it's not everybody doesn't have that teacher sort of gifting and motivation, and that's okay. I'm not saying everybody has to turn around and start an incubator or anything like that, but everybody can do something, right? Not everybody has to do everything right.

Patricia Glass [00:18:45]:
So this started from a very young age and how I grew up, my family grew up with zero money. We lived on food stamps, government assistance. I mean, we did that poverty simulator. And like I said, that was my life. I was a latchkey kid. I was staying at home. There was no difference. And we relied on so many people.

Patricia Glass [00:19:17]:
Salvation army, being a little tree angel baby. And so I didn't realize how much nonprofits affected my life and helped my life. But then on the other side, I had my grandparents and my grandma, who is or was one of the most phenomenal women you will ever experience. She gave 110% to everything that she did. She dressed up as a clown jingles, and had her marionette puppy, or, yeah, puppy, I think it was. And she would go to the diabetes center. She would go to the children's hospital. Then when she was older in age, her church, they built a school, and she would raid to them.

Patricia Glass [00:20:13]:
And then when this woman was on dialysis and soul no longer do it, she recorded it and sent it weekly, so they would have. She's. She's amazing.

Kenny Lange [00:20:25]:
That's commitment.

Patricia Glass [00:20:26]:
Yes. And I'm her namesake. I'm a Patricia after her. And it didn't click, I guess, until her funeral, where everyone was like, patricia, you're so much like her. You're so much like her. And I was like, oh, that's some big shoes to fill. And I kind of did a lot of kindness things. I wasn't a bad person.

Patricia Glass [00:20:50]:
And then my first son passed away, and my therapist calls it post traumatic growth, where all of a sudden it was like, why am I doing what I'm doing? I work for the largest property management company in the world. I am a slumlord. In a sense, that's how I felt. I felt the thing that I was the best at. They never hired a lawyer. I knew the lease inward and outward. I would go to evictions and evict people, and all of a sudden, it just felt gross. So I started at the children's park, which is a beautiful park for people who have lost children or even want to honor their children, but the focus is memorializing them.

Patricia Glass [00:21:47]:
And it was wonderful. And I was able to be a part of this community, this village that I needed so much. And then I started realizing, like, you need a village for every aspect of your life. And my son, my second son, he got Liam, he got diagnosed with autism. And this community that I had for grief, I needed to have to walk through this journey of autism and figure out where that leads me, and it wasn't there. So the nonprofit started, and I was just blown away by all the genuine connections and support. I mean, it was also kind of selfish. Right.

Patricia Glass [00:22:40]:
Because now I get to be part of that community.

Kenny Lange [00:22:44]:
Yeah, you're scratching your own itch.

Patricia Glass [00:22:46]:
Absolutely.

Kenny Lange [00:22:47]:
But I think that's where a lot of nonprofits start from. Right. Is something deeply personal affected you, and from that place, you choose to give and expand that?

Patricia Glass [00:22:58]:
And those are the people with the biggest. That, and one of the reasons why I wanted to start with, because there's a lot of. I mean, East Texas is the highest density amount for nonprofits. Right. We have so many, and we have huge ones that are great. And not saying that they don't have passion, because they are out there hustling. They're amazing. But there's these smaller nonprofits that have the same hustle or more, and the same passion, but their voices aren't heard because of the larger nonprofits.

Patricia Glass [00:23:41]:
So being able to connect with people that have the same passion that I have and how they want to give back, it's a phenomenal experience. It's wonderful working with them.

Kenny Lange [00:24:02]:
Can you describe a little bit more on what was the impact on you specifically of, like, you had a village for grieving, and then you built a village to help. As you are raising your son who has autism is on the spectrum. Found all these other great families. What did that do in you or for you as an individual and also as a leader, to see that support come out and build those connections?

Patricia Glass [00:24:44]:
So I was hustling all the time, and I would get burnout because, one, I'm a part of the village. Right. But then we're trying to make that village grow. We're trying to get resources and nonprofits, whether people like it or not, are businesses. You have to grow it. It's not just like, oh, let's hope and pray that money comes in. No, we have to be out there looking for grants, building those relationships, looking for sponsorships, creating policy, procedure, all that fun stuff. Right? It's still a business.

Kenny Lange [00:25:25]:
Right.

Patricia Glass [00:25:26]:
So I was stuck kind of, like, Hannah Montana. I had the best of both worlds. I would get so burnt out on this side, on the business side, that when I got to go to an event, it was just like, this is what I'm doing it for. You get this just renewed. Like, this is what I'm doing it for. Think is the families that we are helping, it is helping me. My kids have peers and siblings that are neurotypical, but they still need help and support. Parents still need that help and support.

Patricia Glass [00:26:15]:
I don't know how to describe it. It was just a phenomenal experience. But also, on the bigger picture, I'm not part of so many other communities, whether it be LGBTQIA plus or Alzheimer's or I'm a Casa, so there's one. But there's so many different communities that need that help creating those genuine connections with other families. So I might not be part of it, but if I can help somebody build that up for their community so they can have what not only I have, but my kid have, and this family had building their village, it has been an amazing honor to do and to support them.

Kenny Lange [00:27:13]:
Yeah. Your story reminds me a little bit of how I felt when my wife and I were foster parents and when we started engaging in some groups of other foster parents, because you don't ever expect, like, there's large life changes. Some happen to you. You don't choose. Others you choose, and you step into. And the thing that struck me was how our village, our circle, really changed. When we made that decision in a way that we weren't expecting. It was really strange and, honestly, a little painful.

Kenny Lange [00:27:57]:
But when we started finding these other groups that we could connect with or even just know that there was someone we could call that would understand. You don't have to explain it. All right?

Patricia Glass [00:28:12]:
Right. And it's one. They understand little things. Like, for my son, it's zipping up his clothes. He has poor fine motor skills. So at five years old, five and a half, we're celebrating things that aren't normally celebrated at that age. So they understand that. But when you want to call and complain, they understand.

Patricia Glass [00:28:40]:
And I think that's also important, because as much as we need someone to cheer us on, we need someone to be in our swamp with us that understands and will not judge us 100% swamp. Yeah.

Kenny Lange [00:28:54]:
I love that it's another t shirt.

Patricia Glass [00:28:57]:
You could be in the swamp, but on the back with me.

Kenny Lange [00:29:00]:
Yeah. But with me. Yeah. Feel like there's a shrek reference in there or something like that, because that's the only thing running through my head. Yeah. It's a thing of people. Ultimately, they want to be seen and they want to be heard.

Patricia Glass [00:29:16]:
Yeah.

Kenny Lange [00:29:17]:
Right. And then they want to know that they matter. And I think a lot of people, even in what they might consider their suffering, they want to know that their suffering matters and is felt not like a misery loves company sort of situation, because that feels a little sadistic. But the notion of somebody else gets it. Like you said, I don't have to explain. You don't have to explain if you're working on the fine motor skills and your son has a bad day. Right. And you can call another mom or another parent and just say, hey, this is what happened today, and you feel beat up.

Kenny Lange [00:29:55]:
Right. Like you're trying everything you can and doing these challenging things also bubbles things up inside of you. So we're unpacking trauma. It goes both ways in our first adoption, because at this point, we've adopted two sons, we have three biological kids. And during the first adoption, it bubbled up a lot of things that I had not really thought about or dealt with from my own adoption and never having met my biological father. And I just had, like, a breakdown in a car one night driving home because we were getting close to the adoption. And I don't know what just struck me, but it was just overwhelming, and I was so thankful. And I'll call them out by name and the organization because they're phenomenal.

Kenny Lange [00:30:50]:
But Justin Hayes, who's the executive director at the fostering collective, he's adopted, I don't know, like, 17 kids. I'm exaggerating, but they've fostered and adopted quite a few, and he's been a great resource for me. And I was just able to call him and I didn't have to explain a whole lot. Now he's not adopted, but he's walked so many families through the process and what, all bubbles up, and I didn't have to explain. I didn't feel judged. I felt supported. He prayed for me. They were there when we adopted Tony, and it was a great celebration, and we're thrilled about it.

Kenny Lange [00:31:35]:
But having that, like you said, there's something about I'm not isolated in this, and it keeps you from a place of hopelessness, I think, which I think that's probably one of the lowest places you can get, is things are bad, they might get worse, but they won't ever get better. And there's nothing I can do to change it.

Patricia Glass [00:31:57]:
Yeah, I think, too, we've talked about the village, right? Like, pouring that into the village. But what I've learned from it is not all that, but pour it into everybody. Understand that everybody has trauma and treat them as if they're going through something that you don't know about, which is true. Everybody has something that we don't know that they're going through, or they're going to react to something and not take it necessarily negative and understanding. Well, they're probably reacting like this because of a, b, and c. And I can support them and I can be here even if they don't want to open up to me. But being that space for everybody, if you have it, I mean, obviously there are some days where I don't have the space, and it's like, I love you. Here's a resource for you.

Patricia Glass [00:33:00]:
But if I have the space, I will be there. And I think just pouring that into everybody, that's not just our village, has also helped make those genuine connections with people as well.

Kenny Lange [00:33:15]:
Yeah. Which I think is another important part of why it's a village. Right. It's not building codependency, but that means that there's multiple people who could support. In the event that you yourself don't feel like I'm trying to support me today, and I don't really have the strength to help lift you up. I wish I did, but here's this other person, this other resource.

Patricia Glass [00:33:38]:
I love that you spoons. She says, I start with so many spoons a day, and then at the end of the day, I don't have any spoons. So if I don't have spoons for you, I'm sorry, I just don't have a spoon. But I know somebody else who has more spoons than I do right now.

Kenny Lange [00:33:55]:
I think I lose my spoons because my kids throw them in the trash by accident. They're just like, all right, I'm done with this bowl. But I get what you're saying. Yeah, you only have so much. So I love that you're bringing it back to those genuine connections. So if you're speaking with a leader who's thinking through, hey, I'm trying to either be a little bit more missional in this for profit situation that I'm in, or maybe they're running or thinking about running a nonprofit or just. I mean, life and leadership in general, I think, are so intertwined. Leadership is not a title.

Kenny Lange [00:34:36]:
That's a part of it sometimes, but often it's not. So what do you tell people who are trying to get the right frame of mind to think about establishing connections with people when they're trying to build their leadership, build their influence for good. What's a framework or something that's helped keep you oriented in the right direction?

Patricia Glass [00:35:06]:
I don't know if I have, like, a framework or a process necessarily, but I think just one going in with kindness. Right. We're going in with kindness without expectations, would be the first place to start. Right. Whether we like somebody or not, there's always something positive we can say. Right. So even if you say so, even if we don't think that we will like the person or we know we don't like the person, we can still go in with kindness and find mutual ground and work up from there. There's been plenty of times with people that I didn't think that I would get along with, but that's okay.

Patricia Glass [00:35:58]:
You have the same passion that I have about XYZ, and that's amazing. Let's focus on that, and that passion will bring us together. Or if I'm asking for help, sometimes the best way to compliment, and I guess that kind of sounds manipulative in a way, but the best way to flatter somebody is to ask for help, because you are now being vulnerable, saying, you know more than I do, and I want your help.

Kenny Lange [00:36:30]:
Yeah.

Patricia Glass [00:36:31]:
So being able to compliment people like that, and sometimes it's just me being on your podcast is a huge compliment. I appreciate that. And so to me, that's huge. So I think just even sometimes the smallest things, whether it be a love of something or a mutual goal or mission, collaboration or help, it's that genuine connection that people want. You can always find something genuine about somebody. It doesn't have to be a lie. I don't know. I think that's just my framework, is, let's find mutual ground and work from there and do it with kindness, because we don't know what's happened in their life.

Patricia Glass [00:37:25]:
We don't know why they're reacting that way. There's no reason to have competition when we could all just work together and be hippies and love everybody.

Kenny Lange [00:37:37]:
I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Okay. Highly competitive. No, I need a few spaces where there are winners and losers. But I guess that's why I'll stick to my races and my indoor soccer, right? Yeah, I'll stick to that.

Patricia Glass [00:37:54]:
Even collaborating with your knowledge that you have, even if it's still a win or lose situation in your head, you're still helping somebody win.

Kenny Lange [00:38:06]:
Right.

Patricia Glass [00:38:07]:
And you're winning because they didn't go to somebody else.

Kenny Lange [00:38:13]:
I love. You're reframing. It's perfect.

Patricia Glass [00:38:15]:
Yes.

Kenny Lange [00:38:16]:
But it does sound like you're saying what you said made me think of, like, a triangle. Right. Like, we may be on opposite sides and maybe there's a dashed line between us. Like, it's not direct connection for whatever reason, but if there's this point up here at the top that we both have a direct connection, we both have a passion and a focus on that. As we move closer towards that outcome, that mission, we actually start to narrow the gap in between us. Yeah.

Patricia Glass [00:38:48]:
So we should also have triangles on our shirt.

Kenny Lange [00:38:51]:
We should actually, I took that from, I'm pretty sure, a marriage conference that I was at that talked about, like, instead of being so focused on your spouse and each other, which you can start to nitpick at each other, if you remain focused on God, the closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other. And then there's a mutual love and a healthy relationship that lasts for. But I think that can happen in a lot of other areas.

Patricia Glass [00:39:16]:
Yeah. It's a marriage, a relationship, which. A relationship is work. And so you have to work. Preach. Yeah. You have to work for it. Obviously, you don't want to try too hard.

Patricia Glass [00:39:34]:
If they don't want a friendship, they don't want a connection, that's fine. But even just putting in that work on. Let me write you a hand. Little thank you note. Let me give you a call. Let me give you a text message when I see you, compliment you, whatever it may be, it's work. And you have to active. Listen, you have to be somewhat involved, not necessarily in their life.

Patricia Glass [00:40:00]:
I mean, there's this one person that I can think of that I'm trying to win over.

Kenny Lange [00:40:06]:
See, you're trying to win. It is a competition.

Patricia Glass [00:40:08]:
She will love me every time I see her. I don't necessarily know the ins and out of her days, but I know about the organization and I'll say good job on this. I saw you got this grant. I saw you went out and did a way to hustle. So I'm putting in that work, laying that foundation, so we can have a genuine connection.

Kenny Lange [00:40:34]:
That's fantastic. Yeah, I think the mutual ground stood out. To me. It's a triangle circle. But the other part that struck me is you going in and you said kindness, which I love, and I'm seeing that crop up. Actually had a friend and past client of mine release a book called Kind Transparency, how to say what you mean without being a jerk. And I messaged her privately, I was like, that's like the story of my life that I'm attempting, but I'm not dead. God's not done, so I'm working on it.

Kenny Lange [00:41:11]:
But the notion that there is something genuine inside of every person. Absolutely. And it keeps you from that always and never, like, believing that someone is all bad or all good. Right. Somebody may be someone you don't necessarily like, but there is something genuine and good in them. And it's almost like being an investigative journalist. Can you dig in and find it? One of my goals for this year, just internally, was to be a better question asker, and that's part of why I relaunched the podcast. I wanted to get better at.

Kenny Lange [00:41:49]:
How do I phrase questions? How many do I ask? I keep showing up at these networking events that sometimes make my skin crawl just trying to ask more and more questions.

Patricia Glass [00:41:58]:
High reps, but questions help create that genuine connection. Asking about people's life. Absolutely, yeah.

Kenny Lange [00:42:05]:
And it allowed me to be, and I felt. I feel a lot if we get into, like, enneagram world, I'm an eight, so I feel things in my body very quickly before my brain processes it. Good and a bad thing. But I would literally feel like, my blood pressure come down, or I would feel my cynicism being pushed back, because I would render probably a pretty cynical judgment against people in certain circumstances. But I found that just asking a few more questions, digging in, following up, I got to see more of who that person was, and I found that I had a more informed, a more accurate, and also a more kind opinion of that individual. And it allowed me to build more bridges than, say, burn them or just not build them in the first place. But I think that those mindsets of where's our common ground? What are we mutually passionate or committed to? And not is there, but there is something good and genuine and worthy inside of this person. And maybe it's a little hard to unearth, but it's worth unearthing in order to build that connection with that person, because the connections heal us.

Kenny Lange [00:43:24]:
They are beneficial to us, even if they're not our besties. They can still be beneficial even if they're not our besties. So if someone were to get started, obviously you've had years and years to really think through this process. This. It sounds like part of your upbringing fired you that way, even if it was through some hardships. What would you tell somebody who, I'm asking this selfishly. I feel like I'm at the beginning of this, and so I want to be in a place of humility, but somebody who wants to take that small step, that feels like, well, I don't know if I can go into that, like, my autopilot kicks in or I've been hurt so many times by so many people that trying to build a relationship with somebody, even if I know it'll be beneficial to my leadership and advancing a worthwhile cause, it feels so risky and it feels time consuming. What would you tell that person? Something they can do in the next 24 hours that's small to get them started on the path of more kindness and connection.

Patricia Glass [00:44:39]:
I think one of the biggest things that I can think of that you can do within the next 24 hours to start right now is maybe reach out to. I'm not saying reach out to somebody that you don't know or reach out to somebody and ask for their forgiveness or vice versa, but someone that you're maybe not sure where you stand, send something to them, whether it be a quick text like, hey, just thought about you today. Hope you're doing well. I can't tell you how many text messages like that that I have sent that was like, how did you know I was having a bad day today? And I'm like, I didn't know, but tell me why. Or just like a little note card from your last interaction with somebody. Thank you for meeting with me. Thank you for taking the time, because something that is so valuable to people is their time. So taking a moment to thank them for coffee or lunch or you might not realize how this impacted me.

Patricia Glass [00:45:53]:
Being vulnerable, I think, is the first step that you can take. And it doesn't have to be with someone that you might feel is your arch nemesis or someone that it could be your best friend. Just showing a little bit where you feel comfortable showing some vulnerability goes a long way. And I think that's something that someone can do within the next 24 hours is just be a little bit more vulnerable than you're used to.

Kenny Lange [00:46:27]:
All right, challenge accepted. So I hope everybody, the thing is, when you're saying that, and if you're listening, the person probably popped in your head pretty quickly. And whoever it is that's making you cringe just a little bit, that's probably the person you need to lean into. I'm learning. Run towards what scares you because that's probably where the goodness is on the other side of that, if you can deal with. Yeah. So if you want to pick up any number of the hundreds of shirts suggestions from this podcast, check out our store. I need an online store.

Kenny Lange [00:47:11]:
I really do want to make shirts with some cool sayings. So maybe that'll be part of our upcoming meeting.

Patricia Glass [00:47:19]:
We'll include that upcoming meeting, but also have a shirt maybe for each person, a little catchphrase from which said, and a portion of it goes to the charity of the host choosing.

Kenny Lange [00:47:35]:
Big things are being birthed right here. So let's capture that. I know it's recorded, but we'll capture that. So here I'm going to do, because I've learned how to do these now from Taylor Swift. Look, no, but I got.

Patricia Glass [00:47:49]:
You're doing a.

Kenny Lange [00:47:54]:
No t. Swifton over here. Okay. No t. Swifton.

Patricia Glass [00:48:00]:
Okay. We need to end this and have a conversation offline about the kindness.

Kenny Lange [00:48:06]:
Just can't end it. So, Patricia, for anybody who's interested in learning more about your work with East Texas center for nonprofits, the emerging organization program that you're putting together, or just wanting to reach out to you with maybe further questions, where would you direct them?

Patricia Glass [00:48:29]:
Yeah, so there's multiple ways you can go to United Way or easttexascenterfornonprofits.com. Org. It all goes to the same place. Just look for the tab. And it's the affiliation program. And on there is my email, my phone number. I think my email is affiliation@uwtiler.org and there's multiple ways you can get a hold of me. Yeah.

Kenny Lange [00:49:01]:
Awesome. Are there any social channels you would recommend to follow you on?

Patricia Glass [00:49:06]:
Well, I mean, I'm on Facebook and Instagram, but it's not business. But you're more than welcome to follow me.

Kenny Lange [00:49:12]:
And you're always looking for a friend.

Patricia Glass [00:49:16]:
Yes, I'm always looking for a friend.

Kenny Lange [00:49:20]:
Always looking for a friend. I love it. But I'll challenge you. If you are going to reach out and follow or send her a friend request, you got to send her a question, a meaningful question. All right. To make good on this, I'm going to set that as a filter. And so we'll do that. But Patricia, thank you so much for being a guest.

Kenny Lange [00:49:41]:
This was a really great conversation. And until next time, remember, everybody, change the way you think. You'll change the way you lead. We'll see you next.